Colonia Jesus

​A Prayer For The Lost Souls Of The Galaxy

Fuck me what a week, talk about action-packed. You can stick your fire and brimstone up your arse bloodshed and salt is where it is at. We have had tears, shocks, boom booms and just downright tantrums. Sounds like a weekend at Madame La Bushrats gaff to be honest (just without the chains and nipple clamps). It was a week of surprises as well, not just for me but for other people in the Galaxy. Albino came home my brethren arrived to a hero’s welcome and life has just been so damn rosy.



So where to start?? We can always start with the Lost Souls of the Fatherhood I guess. Fuck me they could not organise a piss up in a brewery that lot, could not get Mary pregnant in a fucking sperm bank I tell ya. Albino sent me this from the Colonia Highway.



“I am fed up with these cunts, talk about needing a good fucking walloping. I spend weeks perfecting a ship just for this very moment and do they appreciate it??? Do they fuck. Do they consider the poor Cmdrs that had to die to make sure the ship worked?? No, do they fuck, all they think about is themselves and their shitting exploration data?? All those first discoveries and lost credits. What a bunch of fucking twats. “Wow look at me flip my cunt- arsed SRV I wish I had fucking recorded that hahahahah”. “oh wow look he lifted me off the ground on his ship, I am so high hehehehe”

Well CJ I get you now, I know I am not cut out for this clean-living bullshit. The time has come to make these fuckers pay.”

And pay they did, by the bucket load. If Albino could package that salt and sell it he could keep Macdonalds in condiments for millenia. What followed next restored my faith in the young chap. You may not like it but the subterfuge and execution (in more than one way) was simply epic. What was to follow was immeasurably exquisite. Salt the likes of which has never been seen before. I dunno about the threats or bounties placed on him but it did wonders for the popularity of my sermons that’s for sure. So, I guess in some ways I should thank Cmdr Avarice for his public statement, shame he got half the facts wrong ignorant shit.



Anyway to cut a long story short, he infiltrated, fucked shit up and fucked off. They started crying and bullshitted the community. Mission accomplished buddy. I have been accomodating him for the last week at Shooters, he fucked all the girls, drank all the booze and smoked all the Onionhead and left me an IOU and 20 Hutton mugs full of tears????



What else??? Well there has been an influx of dirty gankers in the region, Mant3z and his HERC sqn have been ripping up the region, having fun with the Ratpac. I did tell Bushrat that I was getting the pest control in if they did not stop fucking multiplying. Of course with increased activity brings the dirty ass shitster clogtards to the region. Sadly Lickdonger did not cover themselves with glory this week with Cmdr Fresse Blutstrom showing his true colours (yellow). For Fucks sake you sackless cunt stay in solo If you are scared. Colonia Limpdicks made a brief appearance before quickly activating their cloaking devices, shit talk is good on the other side of the Open Play fence eh??




So, as you can see there was little room for any real shenanigans this week, the bloodbath continues and The Fatherhood are probably still wondering what the fuck happened?? On a parting note (specifically for Cmdr Irilya reinhart) I have to ask now if she thinks that when she blew up by stacking on Albinos ship at Waypoint one was really an accident?? Hmm I think not. I know she will read this as she does such a stellar effort at reading my sermons and Albinos blogs on stream.






Lost and Found


Lost : the fucking will to live after spending time with a bunch of cunts. If anyone finds any will to live please post to Albino Sanchez at the following address...

13, Wheres My Fucking Explo Data Lane

who the fuck shot me city

County wefuckedupthePG

S41 TEE


Lost : 200 Hutton Mugs at WP4 Lost souls expedition, if found send to Irilya so she can lose them all again.


Lost: cmdr Fresse Blutsrom of Lickmyassdeeler, last seen urgently stabbing at his task manager to escape certain death. if found send him home his short pants are back from the laundry after he shit them.




Found: 200 Hutton Mugs free to good home previous owner carelessly dropped them along with 3 weeks of exploration data they stupidly did not cash in. Contact Albino at...

1 wheeee look at me road

my SRV's stuck town

WTF-happenedtomyhull shire

DE4D 5RV

Situations Vacant


Expedition members needed due to unforseen circumstances, 8 vancancies available for 8 lucky candidates, must provide their own ship. Decent shields and references required. Great views and explosive meetings guaranteed. Contact The Fatherhood and if they can get their thumb out of their arse them may hire you.

NO GUNS ALLOWED




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