Colonia Jesus

​The Runaway That Kept On Running

So, this week has been one of the funniest weeks I have had in Colonia for a very long time. Lots of new faces and a few old ones. The theme of the week has been one of pewing the fuck out of anything I do not know. Spreading the holy word like ratpac ass cheeks on the sex swing they borrowed off my dad. By the way my dad said keep the fucking thing he doesn’t want it back. Many new Cmdrs to the region have been plasma/fragmatised, or even had the holy rail enema. None however are quite like the spritely Szent Istvan Kiraly.




What can I say about Istvan?? Well he is so fucking good at running that I expect he could break the galactic record for the 100m dash, beating even the 12 legged spooslings from the planet spoosle, whose only skill in life is to move fast. This cunt has more high wakes to his name than the sum total of the Limpdicks and the Lick dongers put together. Yeah true I fucking blew him up some time ago, and yeah true I enjoyed every fucking second of it, but he seems hellbent on interdicting me now and showing me how great he is at being a chicken shit and proving his hi wake skills to me. NEWS FUCKING FLASH CUNTARD you cannot kill me if you run away, I mean he caught me the other day with no ammo on board and I still made him run lol. GIT FUCKING GUD OR GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY REGION you window licking retard. Although you do not always get away do you my little arsetard???? Give the dickwad his dues he has been refining his build somewhat he now has more banks than the financial district in London.


Last count I think he has interdicted me and ran away 5 times now. Even when he torped my shields (bet he came in his pants tbh) he still did one. But still keep trying dude you might get another chance one day. He is not the only embarrassment to humanity this week though, although he is a tough act to follow, Cmdr L4for9e and Willian Allure took full advantage of there Romulan cloaking technology to combat log from the game. Clearly they found my aura just to fucking Godly to be honest.


The Ratpac grows bigger still, all that bullshit about breeding like rabbits??? They should see how fucking quick these rats multiply. They are everywhere, cannot seem to pass by a system without some rat scuttling by. I have to admit though that Madame La Bushrat is scaring me these days. I mean she snogged my conda in her perfume parlour vette yesterday outside Jaques, I did not know where to put myself. The hard on I got was awesome though and my hardpoints were not extracted for many hours afterwards.



Elsewhere in the region little appears to be happening. Legionairres were spotted briefly (romulan tech must have malfunctioned), Andromeda_p from lick donger evaded my clutches with a mysterious disappearance in Ratraii, Max Bothin made an appearance and looks to be learning his lessons and bought a decent ship for once. Phisto has gone proper AWOL (conicided with me being scammed on fucking paypal too the twat). But i have had news from my man Albino, it seems somethign big is afoot, he is still inbound and has plans to enact his new lifestyle in the region. Seems like my right hand man has gone soft in the head the litte nonce.


OK dudes and dudettes, i am bored with trying to find shit for you to read so i am signing off for now. Just remember it is my birthday soon and while i would ask you for gifts, if i see you witout any i will fuck you right up ok??





For Sale / Wanted


Wanted : - Companionship, istvan is a lonely boy that craves companionship. despite his willingness to join me in space he finds he has not got the Bollocks to hang around. I seek a group that can take him in and fit his needs. The Colonia Limpdicks (legionairres) would be ideal as he is as limp as they are so would fit perfectly. You will find him at the end of a hi wake somewhere sweating profusely and cradling his well walloped arse.


Wanted : - Exterminator required for rodent incursion, must be humane and able to produce references. Requierd to deal with an explosion in the local rat population.


For Sale : - One times anaconda, used but not abused. FSD has a habit of kicking in at innopotune moments. please Contact Cmdr Szent Istvan Karily (if you can find the fucker)



Situations Vacant

Employment opportunity at the regional athletics centre, Sprint coach position available. vacancy has been filled 5 times but the candidate keeps running away from the inrterview. Would love to award the position to the previous candidate if anyone can find him and can guarantee his ability to stick to the job.






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