Colonia Jesus

​Trust In Jesus, (he only wants what is yours)

I would like to apologise for my laziness in not greeting my flock last week, but I won’t so just get the fuck over it ok?? There were reasons (probably good reasons) but the truth is I just couldn’t be arsed. Anyway, WELCOME my children, how have we all been this past fortnite (still fucking banned by my dad the cunt btw)? For me I spent the time sorting out some business and generally doing whatever I wanted. I would like to say it was productive and worthwhile but it only gave me a hangover that would kill an exploder, and empty pockets.

Well, the good news is that my man Albino is heading to town. He has given up his ways and seen the light, I have no idea what’s up with the soft twat, but he is currently headed here as part of the Lost Souls Expedition. Seems he had too much death and debauchery and needs a holiday to get his melon straight. So, if any of you see him do say hi and point him to Carcosa where he will be staying. I booked him into the celestial suite for his stay with only the finest triple breasted beauties to look after him. I shall do my very best to corrupt this poor deluded child and revert him back to his former ways.

Seems I am not the only one to have a bit of a holiday, it has been quiet in the region this last week or two. Bush-Rat has been doing her do, recruiting the local nabs and noobs. She has even wormed her way into my dads good books and borrowed his sex swing for her “parties”, in her very own words to me.

TheBushRat:- Lol tell him I said hi and thanks for lending me his sex swing

Colonia Jesus:- i wondered where that went

TheBushRat:- Lol bless him, There’s some blasphemy for you lol. God lends Bushrat bondage equipment, Madame le Bushrat

So from now on Bush-Rat shall be known as Madame La Bushrat. Her reputation seems to be spreading, although she seems to scare off as many commanders as she recruits nowadays.

The donglickers seem to have been put back in their box again, wings clipped and thoroughly fucked on. The dickless wonders formerly know as Colonia Limpdicks seem to have totally vanished, guessing their War game was so bad they just fucking gave up altogether. The anarchists have been noticably absent also, Phisto seems to have vanished off the face of the galaxy. In fact if it were not for the Bratpac i would see no fucker round here. Although i did bump into Cmdr Amidala from Ronin of Aramak last night, pleasant chap wanted to share his lasers with me. Cannot complain tbh i was only in the system waiting for some nab in a type 10 to leave jaques so i could donate my plasma to him. Whilst i may have evaded mr Amidala i know Cmdr Peacekeeper11 was not so successful. Being the mother hen she is Madame la Bushrat stirred her bois into action with a promise of cookies, manicures and a blast on my dads sex swing. As yet any of them have yet to earn any of those bribes, or maybe the thought of the sex swing is putting them all off their stroke aim.

Hilarious moment of the week was me trying to christen Cmdr Aldarion 3twoalpha outside Jaques. having spied the Distant Worlds 2 Bullseye on his hull, i had to save his sorry soul from the dark lord and his agents. It started with a gentle rub, a little nudge, a love tap you could say i guess. His shields gently gave as we exited the slot. Within a few moments his hull was exposed and was ready to be penetrated by my hardpoints. It was at this point that it all went south. I extended my hardpoints and prepared to fire my load into the ships soft belly, when ........ nothing happened, impotent, no pew pew no pfft pfft no nothing. My heart sank as my seedless weaponry flapped in the vacuum of space. As i checked my ship my objective was slowly slipping away from my grasp, there was nothing for it i flung my ship at it's cockpit. Ramming for all i was worth, i caught a glimpse of that DW2 Decal as the lovers tryst climaxed and Aldarion exploded in front of my eyes. Exquisite pleasure lasted mere milliseconds (for me anyway) as all evidence of the affair evaporated leaving me alone outside the station. It was at this point i thought i best get the fuck out of there before the same happened to me.

Anyway my flock i am spent (in more ways than one) and have nothing else to tell you i guess, so stay safe and keep an eye out for this combat logging criminals out there. Always have a gun to hand and your interdictors warmed

See you all next week. MAYBE!!

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