Colonia Jesus

​Never Let The Truth Get In The Way Of A Good Story.

o, I had dreams of a bumper week of stuff to tell you and shizzle to get off my chest, the truth is it has been boring as fuck and I have been dipping my wick elsewhere other than Colonia and the Elite Universe. That said I will endeavour to entertain you reprobates for the next 5 minutes anyway. Where to begin??? Well, errr…., so, right yeah the Lickdongers , bunch of cunts right??? They seem to be throwing their weight round in places they really should get the fuck out of. The Limpdicks have all but disappeared (not that they were ever very obvious with that Romulan cloaking tech they stole)

The Ratpac seems to be growing ever larger, so much so I got no twat to shoot at anymore. Well the Silverbacks may be back on the menu if they keep pushing the Anarchists. And of course the lickers of dongs are always good to plasmatise. Speaking with Bush-Rat the other night and it seems that some people have taken to ignoring her or declining her friend requests?? Maybe they heard of her reputation ?? I dunno if Essex girls are a thing in 3305 but yeah they are probably wise to steer clear to be honest. Fake Tan, Botox and White stilettos must make flying a mammoth nail bar a bit tricky.

Like I said I have been playing away this last week, looking for that spark I used to have, The closest I got to the good old days was winging up wiv me murdermate good ole Schitt Staynes. Still pretty quiet out here but we did teach The Hairy One that it is rude to not accept miss Bush-rats invite. His vette was strong, but an ass full of grom and a belly full of Fragasm and he was spent. That’s the best minute and 20 seconds he’s ever had I assure you.

To be honest I have been reconsidering my lifestyle and thinking about laying off the booze, boobies and banging the fuck out of anyone I feel like, so much so that I shut the bar for a few days (well that’s what I was telling people) the truth was the Inter Galactic Health Team shut me down. Apparently, they discovered that I had gotten round the Colonian Olive Embargo by using Limpdicks useless gonads as a replacement in the cocktail bar. Dunno who the fuck grassed me up but there was no other use for them as we all know the limpdicks had no use for any balls.

I do not know if you people are aware but in a former life, I used to be a teacher. I was one of the esteemed Galactic Academy Mentors, a title I was most proud of at one time. Now I would not piss on them if doing so would save my own life. Seems they screwed the place into the ground and have pretty much allowed anyone to spout utter bullshit if they want. Sounds a bit like the CEI discord tbh but with less people. To be honest they need all the help they can get and they seem keen to ostracise anyone that has any knowledge in preference for a right bunch of turdbrains at the moment. The current crop of mentors do not seem to do much and when they do it is always way too late.

Well I ran out of anything remotely interesting to say now (that’s considering any of you found it interesting in the first place). So i guess i will just let you lot get on with planning my surprise birthday party, only 65 days to go chaps and chappesses .


For Sale: 2 dozen slightly soggy testicles, original owners had no use for them and i need to shift them pretty quick so come and get em while you can, ideal treats for your pet.

The use of Frontier Developments graphics and other intellectual property is with the express permission granted to us by Frontier Developments.
The CCN logos are provided courtesy of their creator